How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days.

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In this romantic comedy, Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey are both involved in bets proving that they can either dump a guy, or make a girl fall in love by the end of 10 days. Andie Anderson, played by Hudson, wants to make all the “classic” mistakes to force Benjamin Barry, McConaughey, to run for the hills. Let’s pause to reflect on this cliché concept.

First of all, props to Hudson for pulling off that dress without a bra on, a feat that I would never think to take a crack at. Yeah, she nips and we all notice it, but damn does she look… unrealistic? I also want to reprimand her for allowing herself to further define the trite and stereotypical woman- an image that is created by gender, and reiterated over and over again in common media and pop culture. To lose Benjamin Barry in 10 days, she commits all of the “normal” mistakes that all women make with men.

Hah, yeah right.

What does she do to scare McConaughey away? I made a bullet list, my favorite:

  • Calls his mother without him knowing for baby photos
  • Names his penis Princess Sofia (he wanted it to be called Butch or Spike)
  • Coerces him into seeing a chick flick
  • Attends couples therapy
  • Tricks him into attending a Celine Dion concert
  • Replaces the guys’ poker night food with cucumber sandwiches
  • Wants to take it slow on their first date together
  • Calls him at work and talks like a baby about making plans for that night
  • Purchases a love fern for their relationship
  • Integrates pink items and tampons into his living space
  • Buys a freaky looking dog for them to share
  • Photo morphs their faces together to predict future babies

The list goes on just a bit further, but disregarding the attempt at taking things slow, that list of “common” womanly mistakes RARELY HAPPENS. When was the last time you named your partner’s genitals Princess Sofia? I mean, I’ve named them other things, but…

I often lose a guy in 10 days too! Mostly because I do not act like a “normal” woman.

Here are some things you can do to ensure that you too lose a guy in 10 days:

*DISCLAIMER: THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY FILTER DOUCHENOZZELS OUT OF YOUR DATING LIFE*

  1. Pay for your own meal on the first date
  2. Providing your own transportation to/from dates for the first 5
  3. Dress comfortably and conservatively on the first date
  4. Refuse to hangout alone at his place after 9pm
  5. Insist that he meet your guy friends
  6. Discourage public butt grabbing of your butt
  7. Expecting a first kiss, and just a first kiss until next time
  8. Asking to keep your clothes on while watching a movie or snuggling
  9. Discuss your career goals, which puts a career first and a family (or him) after
  10. Mention that you are a feminist

If you do all of those things, even though it’s not an exhaustive list, you will surely lose a guy in 10 days.

Always remember, be classy, sassy, and a bit smart assy.

Precious Jones

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