“Notes to my unborn daughter.” Thoughts from a very enlightened woman- who isn’t me.

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1). Men will tell you — maybe not flat out, maybe not with words — that you are obligated to acknowledge them.

They will try to convince you that part of being a woman is responding to their advances and accepting their “compliments” or observations about you.

A man should not call you sexy on the street. When he does, he has made the error of implying you exist to be looked at.

A man should not call you ugly on the street. When he does, he has made the error of assuming his opinion matters.

It is not your responsibility to be accepted by people.
It is not your responsibility to be attractive to people.
It is not your responsibility to appease people.

2). Men will want to “save” you. Don’t let them.

You are not here to be saved.
You are here to make a fantastic mess of things and to learn how to clean it up on your own.
You are here to get damaged, only so you know how to put things back together again.

If you are “fucked up”, mend yourself; save yourself; but by no means let someone think they have done this for you.

The manic pixie dream girl is a trope.
The truth is, no man will ever understand your complexity enough to save you.

3). Men will hate you for not loving them.

Men will wallow in their made-up “friend zone” and lament the idea that “nice guys finish last”.

Nice guys don’t finish last. Idiots finish last.

These men cannot even begin to comprehend that lavishing someone with compliments and doing extreme favors while being deeply infatuated with someone does not qualify as “nice”.
These things involve their own self-interest, and are not selfless acts. The fact that they do not see any return is a comment on their own character – not a woman’s.

Men will also assume that their idea of nice is universal and that being nice/caring about a woman is all she could ever possibly need from a mate.

But a woman is not a dog. You cannot expect her to love you because you do or try to take care of her.

A woman might be looking for any variety of things and a man should not be so narcissistic as to assume he meets these criteria, but was simply looked over.

It is not a woman’s duty to love anyone who is nice to her.

It is not a woman’s duty to love anyone who loves her.

This post is from a short essay by my good friend Emily Hoekstra. Blog coming soon.

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