Anti-Abortion Bill Passes

Hello lovely readers, I am going to do my best to not lose my cool here. After recently reading an article in the Huffington Post it has come to my attention that the House of Representatives has passed a bill that prevents any form of federal funding for abortions. This means that abortions will not be covered by Medicaid, women will also be restricted in buying other plans that do cover abortions, not to mention that it would prevent the District of Columbia from using its own local funds to subsidize abortions AND eliminate the tax credit given to small business who do provide coverage (which they receive under the Affordable Care Act)

.Anger

Feeling a little outraged are you? Feeling a little oppressed, manipulated, pushed aside, devalued, and/or controlled?

It amazes me that in a first world, sophisticated society which is considered to be “the land of the free” women are still faced with vehement opposition when it comes to our right to control our own bodies.

Our “sex system” is so backwards. In our schools we are SUPPOSED to teach our children SAFE SEX and how their bodies work during puberty and of course how their parts come together during SEX. But instead, we teach them (and I was taught myself) about ABSTINENCE.

abstinence-ed

Don’t get me wrong! If it is your choice to wait as a man or woman until marriage that is AWESOME! After all it is YOUR choice and YOUR body! But to only teach this course of action is simply not logical. Kids are going to have sex. And without the proper education and resources, these kids having sex will likely catch sexually transmitted infections and even get pregnant. *Cue Teen Mom commercial*

Teenage pregnancy is a pretty undesirable circumstance for most, I’m sure most teenagers would love easy and affordable access to preventative products such as condoms and birth control- BUT OH WAIT we didn’t teach them about those things and we don’t like telling them about it because it will encourage them to have sex. AKA if we don’t provide this information they WON’T have sex. LIES LIES LIES!

15 and pregnant? Some women (not all but some) may CHOOSE (AHEM) to have an abortion. BUT WAIT! That option has been wiped off of the table by some WASPS in Congress who have decided that women, be it teenagers or full fledged adults, shouldn’t have a choice.

If the bill passes in the Senate Obama plans to veto it. Cross your fingers for the women of America that the individuals who are trying to take away our right to choose will not be successful.

Here is the article I read and where I received most of my information, although I’m sure at this point there are various sources you could look to on the internet and in your local news.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/22/taxpayer-abortion_n_6525490.html

-A

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SEX SEX SEX

Sex.

This word is either condemned as a naughty act of sin, or a magical unification of two souls expressing their love for one another through a little push and pull.

I was told growing up that my first time participating in this activity was supposed to only be with my husband, someone I loved and who loved me back. It was supposed to be special and miraculous! Filled with candles, rose petals and skimpy lingerie- oh my! Sex was high up on a pedestal in my mind. Fireworks and sparkles included. Whoever the lucky man was going to be, we would be bonded forever over this grand event in our lives.

Ah, the fantasy.

Well my actual first time was anything but. And you know what?

I could care less.

My Story:

Little did I know that the party I was attending had much more in store for me than just booze and dancing. A few drinks in and I was asked to dance by a lovely young man named, let’s call him Owen. Owen wasn’t normally “my type”, but the boy was so darn sweet I just couldn’t resist.

As the evening progressed and more alcohol was consumed, Owen proceeded to ask my permission to kiss me. “He asked?” you might say? Yes he did! Owen was all about getting consent for every touch and physical gesture. Gold star for Owen! Consent for kisses soon turned into, “So I would really like to bring you back to my place. Is that something you would want to do? You don’t have to, but I really like you.”

At first, these words sent a panic signal to my brain. “Sex=Bad! No No NO!” I paused and thought for a moment, is it really bad? Am I ready?

Yes. Yes I was. Now I don’t quite know how to fully explain my thought process on determining whether I was ready for this or not, but something just clicked.

“Yah I’d love to!” And off we went to fulfill the magical fantasy of “The First Time”.

He continued to ask me if I was sure, if I really wanted to do this, etc. the entire way to his place, and even up to the point where we were locking ourselves away in his room. Ugh. So many gold stars for Owen.

**THIS IS WHAT A GENTLEMAN LOOKS LIKE**

For those of you who have not had this experience yet, let me give you a few pointers that I wish someone would have shared with me:

  • There are strange noises. There is sucking, slurping, FAP FAP FAP’ing, awkward heavy breathing, and a whole new compilation of sounds that can only come from genitalia. Don’t be embarrassed by these noises! It is perfectly natural, and I promise your partner will not give two fucks about it.
  • Your first time is not as magical as people make it out to be. Quite frankly it’s kind of a mess and it may not be entirely sensational. THIS IS O. K. This is a whole new exploration of your body. It is a learning experience. Not a movie moment. Limbs will wander, but you will find your way.
  • It might hurt. Partially if your hymen is still in tact, and partially if you aren’t wet enough down there. Lube is recommended. Especially if you’ve been drinking, because OW OW OW HELLO SANDPAPER! But this feeling passes (If it continues be sure to tell your partner to stop and either correct the problem or visit your Gyno.)

Two condoms and a good night’s sleep later, the deed was done. I awoke the next morning, feeling just fine, but wary of the potentially very awkward morning conversation. After all, a drunken one-night stand for your first time is bound to create an uncomfortable period of, “Oh so this is what you really look like. Fuck, we did it? Um, when can you leave? What’s your name again?”

But guess what? None of these things happened. We eased right into jokes about his friends and Netflix. No awkwardness. Just laughter.

He drove me home (ANOTHER STAR!), asked for my number and we went our separate ways. I waited for the feelings of shame and guilt to sink in…nothing.

What I found instead was a newfound confidence that I had never had before.

I felt fucking AWESOME!!! I was so high on confidence that even Beyoncé herself had nothing on me. Instead of feeling ashamed, or worried that someone would make me feel ashamed for my unorthodox first time, I felt powerful. No one could belittle me, and if they tried I didn’t care. The whole awkward, messy and also FUN experience had left me feeling unbelievably empowered.

I had lost my virginity via a one-night stand with, in my book, a quality guy. So what about those feelings of attachment for my lover? None. He seemed to show more signs of these emotions than I did. I was ready to move on with my life and conquer the world, almost irritated at the fact that he (being the superstar that he is) texted me immediately afterwards… repeatedly. But more stars for Owen for just being a sweet pea, right?

So what did I learn?

Society has created a list of rules when it comes to sex, and also on how I as a woman should feel before, during and after. Well I broke those rules, and ladies and gentlemen- society can kiss my beautiful, independent, confident ass.


**A NOTE TO ALL READERS: Please remember that everyone reacts and processes these intimate moments in different ways! Your experience may be very different from mine, and that is A-OK! I am in no way making the assumption that every human being on the planet will be/should be just like me. I am merely making an observation of my experience vs. the world’s expectations of what mine, and your experience should be.**

Much love,

A

Package Praise and Slut Shaming

Some interesting images have recently been published of a thoroughly exposed Nick Jonas. If you haven’t seen them already, here you are!

nick jonas cupcake

Many say “YUMMO!” Others say, “Too much!!!” But overall Mr. Jonas and his Calvin K’s have gained a very positive reaction from the media.

My thoughts?

This is a typical example of the double standard for men and women are are sexualized in today’s media. Women who try to proudly flaunt their body and sexuality are either slut shamed or criticized for not being sexy enough. A man, Nick Jonas, flaunts his goodies and the world gives them a big thumbs up because men are supposed to be horny and sex driven, etc.

That is NOT to say that Nick should be equally “man-slut shamed” for his photos. That is not what gender EQUALITY is about. Good on him for being proud to expose himself in this way! I salute anyone, male or female, who feels confident enough to show the world their body and flaunt their sexuality. It is a beautiful and perfectly natural thing, in every form.

As always, be proud of who you are! And Happy Monday 🙂

YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL.

A few months ago I was made aware, and by more than one person, of my lack of a love life. Not only have certain individuals felt the need to point out something that, yes- I am fully aware of, but they also felt the need to tell me what they thought I was doing wrong in terms of attracting men.

The “constructive” criticisms of course included my physical appearance. I could fix my makeup, dress nicer, lose some weight, etc. But surprisingly, most of the critiques were on my strong and independent personality. I was “too intimidating” and “too independent.” If I wanted to attract men I had to at least pretend I was mildly insecure and in need of a strong boy to take care of me so he could feel better about himself.

1.) I apparently NEED a man. The fact that I am halfway through college and don’t have one already, and haven’t found one yet, apparently implies that there is something wrong with me and it needs to be fixed immediately.

2.) I am supposed to change myself in order to find a man “who loves you [me] for who you are!”

A bit of a contradiction, don’t you think?

society is ugly

I am ashamed to admit that I was a willing participant who also agreed that my singleness was a problem, and the solution was that I needed to change and/or fix myself. The insecurity was in high gear, all feminist values thrown out the window. I even took to heart some of the “advice” I had received and attempted to transform myself into someone who would be “worthy” of male attention.

I know, I know- ridiculous and sad, but true. But I have a feeling I am not the only young woman in the world who has given into the same pressures and insecurities.

But you know what? Changing myself, or at least attempting to, only made ME unhappy and LESS confident. I was losing myself to bottle of weight loss pills (which are NOT good for you and did not work) and an assortment of unnecessary beauty products. I put on the mask of a ditzy damsel in distress in an attempt to leave behind my once firm values of female empowerment, confidence and independence. And quite frankly I hated looking myself in the mirror. I was a hypocrite! And I was desperate, and more insecure than ever.

So how did I find my way back? A medical emergency involving my heart due to the horrible diet pills I was taking. That was my wake up call.

What was I doing?! I could have killed myself! And for what? To potentially impress some insecure man who wouldn’t even end up liking me for who I really was?

No. That is not what I wanted.

After that moment, I made a promise to myself that I would not change who I was, physically or otherwise, to fit another person’s expectations. I would love myself for who I was, and stay true to my morals and values.

I engrossed myself in healthy living (mentally and physically), and surrounded myself with positive healthy people who supported and accepted me for me.

That’s not to say that staying true to who you are and what you believe is easy. There are still days where I may waiver and the insecurities come creeping back, but I don’t let them win.

I am proud to be the woman that I am. I am a feminist. I am strong and confident. I am independent and intelligent. I am beautiful inside and out.

If you are the type of man or woman who thinks that that is too “scary” or intimidating”, and that I should mold my mind and my body to anyone else’s standards but my own- I pity you. If those are the rules you play by you must be just as unhappy as I was.

Don’t be that person.

Love and respect yourself enough to just be you.

confident