The Window Bangs

coffee and a blank page

[TW for discussion of rape, PTSD.]

I write about my past in order to rebuild my present. I dredge my brain for what scraps remain, until I have enough pieces that something coherent emerges. When it does, I seize it in words like an lepidopterist pinning a recent capture to a cardboard tag, where it flutters briefly and then dies. Where it can then be studied.

I write things down so I can stop revisiting a past that happened. When I talk to friends, I am not remembering. I am telling you about a thing I wrote.

I have been repeating this process consciously since last October, and the day almost exactly a year ago when I sat on my therapist’s couch and said, “I think I remember the first time I dissociated. I know I remember hearing a pop in my head and then it wasn’t my body. I think…

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Tinder Users Wear Fat Suits To Their Dates. The Reactions For Men & Women Are Totally Different.

Tinder. God Bless. The goal of Tinder is pretty clear- to meet new people and either have sex with them or start dating them. Some people claim that they use it to make new friends, but I have always questioned the legitimacy of that statement.

In a social experiment, a female and male Tinder user schedule dates with their matches, and then wear a fat suit to the date. Here’s what goes down with the female Tinder user:


Now, here is what happens with the male Tinder user:

The Huffington Post did an article on this, and they took more of a “just because she’s fat, doesn’t mean she can’t be respected” kinda approach.

What I find to be more interesting is that women seem to be conditioned to use a more gentle and kind approach when dealing with an uncomfortable situation, especially where they have been tricked. The men get angry almost immediately and all leave but one. #entitlement

Where does this behavior come from?

The root of this could possibly be the way that girls and boys are raised. Men are raised to be generally less sensitive, less thoughtful, and should not be angered because boys will be boys and they might just explode. While women should be slow to anger and should always be kind, never blunt.

We see this example very clearly with catcalling, and male entitlement at its foundation. When a women tells off a man who has catcalled to her, she will immediately be referred to as a bitch, slut, cunt, etc. Other reactions usually include the woman being flipped off, or told to smile, or “Oh, we didn’t mean it that way. Just thought you were real pretty. Can’t hate a man for that, can you?”

Catcalling is NOT just a man saying rude and objectifying comments to women, just so we’re clear. It can also be in the form of any unwanted comments, or during a time that is not necessarily appropriate for someone to do so. Example: asking a woman how she is doing while she walks home alone at night. Not cool.


In the sitch with the Tinder dates, a double standard is in effect.  Double standards, man.



As always, credit where credit is due, thanks Cavan Sieczkowski and Huffington Post.

Sleepless in San Antonio

“I’m the hero of this story. I don’t need to be saved.”

Lately, I’ve been noticing a lot of women around me settling for men who can “provide for them.” Girls looking for someone who is going to have a good job and make life easy, or convenient. I’ve even heard my mother’s friends encourage me to marry rich and worry about love later. The issue isn’t that money is the answer, but instead the idea that women need to be saved and provided for. Not all of us are helpless damsels in distress. I think parts of this ideal come from the movies, and TV shows that are exposed to us as children and young adults. It’s so romantic when the prince comes and sweeps you off your feet, and you never have to worry about anything ever again. BUT THIS ISN’T REALISTIC. No one I know, ever, has yet to marry a real life prince. None of my friends have ever had the hottest guy in school throw pebbles at their window. Not once, has a dark handsome man sang to them with his guitar- but yet we still wish and hope and dream that someday it will happen to us.

In my eyes, this is yet another patriarchal ploy to keep women out of power. If we spend our time distracted with hoping and wishing and competing for a prince charming, then we are less able to focus our time on other things that could make us potentially more powerful. Not to mention, this notion divides women by instilling the idea of competition for men.

These Aren’t The Pet Names We Ordered

All my life I’ve been referred to as “cute” by guys I’ve dated. It really ticked me off.

Whenever they would call me cute, I would ask if I reminded them of a bunny, or a doe, because that’s all that came to mind when they brought up my so called cuteness. Quite honestly, the last thing that I want to be called is cute. I teach women self defense classes, I’m learning krav maga. Don’t call me cute. And don’t blink either because I might just smack you.

Why not describe me in a more honest tone? I’ll take stubborn, firey, pugnacious, intelligent, athletic, or even vicious over cute any damn day. Cute is used to describe baby blankets and adorable squirrels. Both of which I’m not.

Now, you’re probably thinking, wow, feminist rant. Ya. Right. But actually, pet names and lame adjectives aren’t empowering women to do great things. Honest and borderline bitchy comments do. Call a women a pet name and she’ll be content, share your honest opinion with her, and that’s when the real empowerment stems from.

Unless you come up with some carefully crafted, handpicked, extremely creative nickname that I approve of, DON’T call me anything but my name.

It Takes Two: Photo Essay of Couples Around the World

Interesting snapshots of couples from around the world. Our culture so strongly influences how we interact with our significant others. It’s normal in our culture to pursue PDA in ways such as holding hands, or the man holding the girl’s waste. We see these interactions perpetuated through common media, such as TV commercials, billboards, and online advertisments. Most people learn couple interactions through their parents or guardians, but it seems as though media and pop culture is being a stronger and stronger influence.

Our culture’s couple interactions might fall on the less conservative end of the spectrum, but not the least conservative (see Italy). Although some of these images are rather similar to what’s normal in our culture, it’s refreshing to see how other countries do couples, and how different they might be from what’s “normal” in our society.

Why Valentine’s Day makes me feel like shit.

As I sit here sipping coffee at 9PM at night whilst on duty during the most gushy holiday of the year, I have realized a lot about myself:


I like to cuddle.


Chocolate should be ingested every damn day of the year.


Sappy love movies just make me want to break shit.


If you’re smart, you will date a large amount of men starting in January, and then break up with them on February 16th (one buffer day so it’s not so obvious what you’re up to).


Red is my LEAST favorite color.


Why the hell do we want roses anyways?


I am not immune to societies cultural norms.



Most importantly…we should spread LOVE 365 days a year. The world would be a much happier place.



Let us bask in some really awful Valentine’s Day ads targeted at, of course, the female population or the objectification thereof.



Tampax. (Cause having sex with a tampon in is a great idea.)



Straps, The Lingerie Store. (Boobs… surprise surprise.)



“Nakshatra Diamonds: She would love expensive lingerie. (Or maybe she doesn’t?)



Wonderbra. (Boobs, again… right.)



Nutrient Water. (I’m sorry, but who the hell can bend like that?! AND, why doesn’t he return her favor of a blow job with the equivalent??)



Natan Jewelry. (This is just asinine.)


May your Valentine’s Day be full of crappy ads and lots of red.